Being A Successful Writer

The rules to being a great writer:

1) Must be a heavy drinker. Severe alcoholism is even better! Remember, no one respects a sober writer.

2) Dirt poor. If you make $ selling a book, squander it on booze, hookers, and drugs. All of them together is even better!

3) Suicide.

However, only do #3 after you've had some success. Otherwise my theory gets a little weak.